this poem is making me think. and i dont know of what. but i hear the song and read these words and nothing really is clear. especially about the poem. i dont really like the arrangement and i really dont like the poem. Hopefully i can grow to like both....
The Early Bird
by Ted Kooser
Still dark, and raining hard
on a cold May morning
and yet the early bird
is out there chirping,
chirping its sweet-sour
wooden-pulley notes,
pleased, it would seem,
to be given work,
hauling the heavy
bucket of dawn
up from the darkness,
note over note,
and letting us drink.
------------------------------------
I Love Trey Critz. However I am so mixed with emotions I feel like I could fall off the face of the earth, thats how unstable I am. I have decided to go back into taking medication to balance my life and ailments. My appointment is next Wednesday... so hopefully till then goes smooth. I Love Trey. I miss him. I need him. And I hate everything about this situation that I am currently in with him. Except the fact that it is him. Trey, the best thing to ever happen to me. And I would do anything for him. I Love Trey Critz.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
I have been thrown
Into a world
Of teamwork & common goals
Competition? Low
Cooperation? High
I am immediately cared for
Every facet of my life
Loved & embraced
The vision is piercing
See through the minor
Deduce the truth
People that care
When they have no
Prior affiliation with me
And no need to care
But they do
& I feel as though
I do not deserve this
Into a world
Of teamwork & common goals
Competition? Low
Cooperation? High
I am immediately cared for
Every facet of my life
Loved & embraced
The vision is piercing
See through the minor
Deduce the truth
People that care
When they have no
Prior affiliation with me
And no need to care
But they do
& I feel as though
I do not deserve this
Sunday, August 14, 2005
A bed lies in a chamber
Under lock and key
Almost as if to say that those
Who lie and remain within
Are proctected
But lie in that bed
In that “Safe” chamber
See what thoughts invade
The darkest corners of your mind
The light that shone in your mind
Is dulled and intensified
By the addition of thoughts
And lack of space
The darker the dark
The brighter the light
As that flame’s intensity
Grows from the wick
Oxygen is flooded to it
The flame grows
Larger and louder
Less in control
But as the flame is dulled
The mind becomes week
And cannot help
The penetration
That is happening
And impending
A safe bed
A safe room
Safe no more
Not from the confines
Of ones mind
And its thoughts
-Alex Brosseau
Under lock and key
Almost as if to say that those
Who lie and remain within
Are proctected
But lie in that bed
In that “Safe” chamber
See what thoughts invade
The darkest corners of your mind
The light that shone in your mind
Is dulled and intensified
By the addition of thoughts
And lack of space
The darker the dark
The brighter the light
As that flame’s intensity
Grows from the wick
Oxygen is flooded to it
The flame grows
Larger and louder
Less in control
But as the flame is dulled
The mind becomes week
And cannot help
The penetration
That is happening
And impending
A safe bed
A safe room
Safe no more
Not from the confines
Of ones mind
And its thoughts
-Alex Brosseau
Saturday, August 13, 2005
"More I Cannot Wish You"
Velvet I can wish you for the collar of your coat,
And fortune smiling all along your way.
But more I cannot wish you than to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.
Mansions I can wish you, seven footmen all in red,
And calling cards upon a silver tray.
But more I cannot wish you than to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.
Standing there, gazing at you, full of the bloom of youth.
Standing there, gazing at you, with the sheep's eye,
And the licorice tooth.
Music I can wish you, merry music while you're young,
And wisdom when your hair has turned to gray.
But more I cannot wish you than to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.
With the sheep's eye and the licorice tooth,
And the strong arms to carry you away.
Velvet I can wish you for the collar of your coat,
And fortune smiling all along your way.
But more I cannot wish you than to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.
Mansions I can wish you, seven footmen all in red,
And calling cards upon a silver tray.
But more I cannot wish you than to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.
Standing there, gazing at you, full of the bloom of youth.
Standing there, gazing at you, with the sheep's eye,
And the licorice tooth.
Music I can wish you, merry music while you're young,
And wisdom when your hair has turned to gray.
But more I cannot wish you than to wish you find your love,
Your own true love this day.
With the sheep's eye and the licorice tooth,
And the strong arms to carry you away.
Monday, August 01, 2005
A single strand
of light
hurtles across the dark
the distance it travels
tests the strength
the intensity
of the wave
to see if it can conquer
to extinguish
its truth
A single sound
echos achross
the great divide
bouncing and bounding
from through
the great valley
always getting distorted
always softer
but always heard
and understood
A voice speaks
true with beauty
wrapped with light
and driven by sound
not from the head
but from the heart
hurtling across a divide
that seems exapansive
as space
the void testing all
that the voices says
of love
Sit down and rest
Life will wait for a few moments
There is still time to practice love
For a little while
Time to let the fresh breath
Of real peace into your life
Be still
And learn again
How to live
Raise your eyes
And see beyond this narrow life
And learn to love
----------------------------------------------
I have fallen in love. For the 1st time. Its amazing how quickly I accepted that this truely was love. But never having felt this way before, and always being a sceptic of love. For me to want to say that it is, in my heart, it must be. And who are we to define love. To look at someone and say "no thats not love." Love is much like Beauty because Love is Beauty. It is always up to be judged over and over, by only the person truely involved in it. If someone were to hear the words I hear echoing in my head, they would find them sadder than I seem to. Not that I am in denail, its just that I am apart of the situation that I am in. I met the most wonderful guy I have ever known. His name is Trey. He is 22 years old. He is the strongest person I know. His beauty stems from every part of his soul, which leaves me not only speechless but breathless. To try to put how I feel about him truely is impossible. I can lay with him and feel complete. My arms around his small frame seem to make me feel more protected than I ever have before. And the thing is if you looked at us, it looks like I would be the protector. I lay in his arms and feel.. the world come to a complete stop. I feel everyone and everything melt away. That it is only he and I. I know I Loved him from the moment we held eachother like that. From that moment. I had never been happier. Never felt so complete. Never been so willing to drop everything I am, and beleive myself to be, for him. A boy at the time I had known for a few hours. I have surrounded myself and his friends for the past week and a few days. And never been more happy. His friends are a merry sarcastic bitchy bunch of people I can relate to; they all Love Trey. Even with their Love they have for him, I find it hard to talk to them about him. I haven't been able to talk to anyone who I feel will be able to grasp any sort of fiber about Love. I can think of one person outside of myself who could. But have been unable to speak with her. I witnessed a spat between he and his very good friend Avery. They fought about a boy who saved Avery's life who seemed to be battling with inner issues. He was and continues to seek out Trey for some sort of solice or assistance. Avery and Trey fought over how to best help this boy. I say boy, but I mean guy, but for some reason boy seems to fit more properly. This spat turned into a breaking of personal shells that Trey and Avery both had. It became a talk of life, trying your best, and whats best for you and those that you Love. I learned more about Trey and Avery that night/dawn than I ever could have learned had it not happened. When we returned that morning from dropping Avery off at home. It continued to be a cryfest for the both of us. We lied together and cried over his moving on the 1st of August. That I loved him more than he would ever know. That the world was unfair for doing this to me again, taking someone that I just met, and ripping them from my life. That I would be willing to not go to ISU for him, that I would just move with him and be with him. And make us happier than we both have ever known. But I knew a part of me and him woudl not allow it. He told me how amazing I was. And how I would just realize how amazing I was. How beautiful. All my positives that he saw. That I coudl never beleive. With him, I beleived him, but it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I tried to tell him of how much I Loved him. How I woudl never forget him. How I didnt want to leave him, more than anything. That I would give anything to stay with him. How I wanted to move with him. It went in circles. Both of us crying, embracing, kissing. Never once did he say that he Loved me. I found out why this past evening. He said that he would not allow himself to Love me. For he said that if he has allowed himself that, that in the end it would not have been a positive. I did not fight what he said, not that I beleived him, for I believe that it true is how Samuel Butler said, "It is better to have Loved and lost, to have never Loved Before." But it was how he felt, and I cannot fight him on that. He didnt wish to Love me for the pain it would cause himself. There is a part of me that wished to demand that he say how I know that he truely felt. For one cannot control ones emotions, especially Love. He thinks that he almost woudl have been safer alone. Although he never would have said that. Had he not met me and I him, we would not have learned what we learned. He learning that there is hope in men. That there are guys worth more than the world. More than just sex. There are guys worth investing in. It kills me when I hear this at the same time as it making me happy. I feel that he doesnt think that we will ever exist again. And by him saying what he has said and me feeling that. Its almost like I gave him hope, for everyone but me. But I learned also. That there are men worth the world. Worth all my tears of sadness and happiness. Men that can give you that feeling of Love and compassion. Men that can give you that Bohemian feeling without even knowing it. Giving you Love that is Truthful Beautiful and Free. He never said that he Loves me. But if he didnt, would he have bared his soul to me. Allowed me to learn the things I have about him. Allowed me to teach him lessons. I feel that it was Love. And never felt it to be unrequited. Isnt that what counts? That I Loved him, no restrictions, no lies, just my emotions. I feel that I dont want this to be the end of us in any terms. I want him to be able to say he loves me. I want him to be able to come home to me. I want this is to be only a temporary end to things. For us to meet again, I do not expect the same if there is a second time. I said today to him, that there WILL be a second time. Where we will be together again. And he asked me how I was so sure. I said what I want I get. He called me a brat. I told him, if I want it, I will have it, cause I wont let anything stand in my way of getting exactly what I want. I may not be a true Bohemian, but I knwo that when Love enters your life, you better fight for it. Especially, when you know that you want it more than anything. I will teach children Music for my Love of Music. For the Beauty and Truth it posses, for the Freedom it can grant anyone, and for the Love it expresses. And I will return Trey and I to eachother. For I Love him, and I will, forever, remember his place in my life. And all the he taught me, in this short time we have known eachother. I Love him. I Love him. For his Truth, his Beauty, his Freedom, and for his Love that he posseses. The best time I have ever know. Is with him. I dont know what to say to end this post. Besides, Trey, know that I Love you. Know that I will not forget what you taught me, or who taught it to me. And we WILL meet again.
of light
hurtles across the dark
the distance it travels
tests the strength
the intensity
of the wave
to see if it can conquer
to extinguish
its truth
A single sound
echos achross
the great divide
bouncing and bounding
from through
the great valley
always getting distorted
always softer
but always heard
and understood
A voice speaks
true with beauty
wrapped with light
and driven by sound
not from the head
but from the heart
hurtling across a divide
that seems exapansive
as space
the void testing all
that the voices says
of love
Sit down and rest
Life will wait for a few moments
There is still time to practice love
For a little while
Time to let the fresh breath
Of real peace into your life
Be still
And learn again
How to live
Raise your eyes
And see beyond this narrow life
And learn to love
----------------------------------------------
I have fallen in love. For the 1st time. Its amazing how quickly I accepted that this truely was love. But never having felt this way before, and always being a sceptic of love. For me to want to say that it is, in my heart, it must be. And who are we to define love. To look at someone and say "no thats not love." Love is much like Beauty because Love is Beauty. It is always up to be judged over and over, by only the person truely involved in it. If someone were to hear the words I hear echoing in my head, they would find them sadder than I seem to. Not that I am in denail, its just that I am apart of the situation that I am in. I met the most wonderful guy I have ever known. His name is Trey. He is 22 years old. He is the strongest person I know. His beauty stems from every part of his soul, which leaves me not only speechless but breathless. To try to put how I feel about him truely is impossible. I can lay with him and feel complete. My arms around his small frame seem to make me feel more protected than I ever have before. And the thing is if you looked at us, it looks like I would be the protector. I lay in his arms and feel.. the world come to a complete stop. I feel everyone and everything melt away. That it is only he and I. I know I Loved him from the moment we held eachother like that. From that moment. I had never been happier. Never felt so complete. Never been so willing to drop everything I am, and beleive myself to be, for him. A boy at the time I had known for a few hours. I have surrounded myself and his friends for the past week and a few days. And never been more happy. His friends are a merry sarcastic bitchy bunch of people I can relate to; they all Love Trey. Even with their Love they have for him, I find it hard to talk to them about him. I haven't been able to talk to anyone who I feel will be able to grasp any sort of fiber about Love. I can think of one person outside of myself who could. But have been unable to speak with her. I witnessed a spat between he and his very good friend Avery. They fought about a boy who saved Avery's life who seemed to be battling with inner issues. He was and continues to seek out Trey for some sort of solice or assistance. Avery and Trey fought over how to best help this boy. I say boy, but I mean guy, but for some reason boy seems to fit more properly. This spat turned into a breaking of personal shells that Trey and Avery both had. It became a talk of life, trying your best, and whats best for you and those that you Love. I learned more about Trey and Avery that night/dawn than I ever could have learned had it not happened. When we returned that morning from dropping Avery off at home. It continued to be a cryfest for the both of us. We lied together and cried over his moving on the 1st of August. That I loved him more than he would ever know. That the world was unfair for doing this to me again, taking someone that I just met, and ripping them from my life. That I would be willing to not go to ISU for him, that I would just move with him and be with him. And make us happier than we both have ever known. But I knew a part of me and him woudl not allow it. He told me how amazing I was. And how I would just realize how amazing I was. How beautiful. All my positives that he saw. That I coudl never beleive. With him, I beleived him, but it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I tried to tell him of how much I Loved him. How I woudl never forget him. How I didnt want to leave him, more than anything. That I would give anything to stay with him. How I wanted to move with him. It went in circles. Both of us crying, embracing, kissing. Never once did he say that he Loved me. I found out why this past evening. He said that he would not allow himself to Love me. For he said that if he has allowed himself that, that in the end it would not have been a positive. I did not fight what he said, not that I beleived him, for I believe that it true is how Samuel Butler said, "It is better to have Loved and lost, to have never Loved Before." But it was how he felt, and I cannot fight him on that. He didnt wish to Love me for the pain it would cause himself. There is a part of me that wished to demand that he say how I know that he truely felt. For one cannot control ones emotions, especially Love. He thinks that he almost woudl have been safer alone. Although he never would have said that. Had he not met me and I him, we would not have learned what we learned. He learning that there is hope in men. That there are guys worth more than the world. More than just sex. There are guys worth investing in. It kills me when I hear this at the same time as it making me happy. I feel that he doesnt think that we will ever exist again. And by him saying what he has said and me feeling that. Its almost like I gave him hope, for everyone but me. But I learned also. That there are men worth the world. Worth all my tears of sadness and happiness. Men that can give you that feeling of Love and compassion. Men that can give you that Bohemian feeling without even knowing it. Giving you Love that is Truthful Beautiful and Free. He never said that he Loves me. But if he didnt, would he have bared his soul to me. Allowed me to learn the things I have about him. Allowed me to teach him lessons. I feel that it was Love. And never felt it to be unrequited. Isnt that what counts? That I Loved him, no restrictions, no lies, just my emotions. I feel that I dont want this to be the end of us in any terms. I want him to be able to say he loves me. I want him to be able to come home to me. I want this is to be only a temporary end to things. For us to meet again, I do not expect the same if there is a second time. I said today to him, that there WILL be a second time. Where we will be together again. And he asked me how I was so sure. I said what I want I get. He called me a brat. I told him, if I want it, I will have it, cause I wont let anything stand in my way of getting exactly what I want. I may not be a true Bohemian, but I knwo that when Love enters your life, you better fight for it. Especially, when you know that you want it more than anything. I will teach children Music for my Love of Music. For the Beauty and Truth it posses, for the Freedom it can grant anyone, and for the Love it expresses. And I will return Trey and I to eachother. For I Love him, and I will, forever, remember his place in my life. And all the he taught me, in this short time we have known eachother. I Love him. I Love him. For his Truth, his Beauty, his Freedom, and for his Love that he posseses. The best time I have ever know. Is with him. I dont know what to say to end this post. Besides, Trey, know that I Love you. Know that I will not forget what you taught me, or who taught it to me. And we WILL meet again.
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