its an interesting feeling
attempting to unload
release back into
the wild

your
friends

losing them for whatever reason
not enjoyable

realizing that
some things
are merely superficial
a different
kettle of fish

all in all
it never ceases to amaze me
that friends
are always on my mind
and in my heart


this all felt quite trite but
with the best of intentions

i can do all i want
to attempt to not remember
not to forget
but to pass forward
beyond where you reside
in my memory

but day or days
hours or moments later
you return
as if
knocking on the door
ringing the bell
patiently waiting
smiling
through the shades

hello again
welcome home

you are a welcomed guest
whether i will be happy in the end
is debatable

here's what i want to say
what i know may need
to sing
to make you understand

i want my friends back
my life
my family
my fire
my passion
determination
honesty
love

i can't seemingly go backward
i cannot recreate the past
nor even similar conditions

doesn't mean i don't want to try
but that doesn't mean i will

god help me

another Linda Ronstadt feature. and James Ingram.

holds true. to this thought of mine. regardless the cheese.

let me be challenged
yell all you want
i am hyper critical
and that guides me rather well

i try to take control of the little things
my diet
my body
my soul
my heart

but my mind won't ever fall in line
neither will my heart
or my soul
or my body

now my diet...
there is an interesting idea
vegetarian

i just want my friends back
i want to have things be simple
i want to be in love
and be loved
i want to feel free
i want to fly
i want to be done with this state
and with this frame of mind

i want and want
i dream and dream
and i attempt to do and try

breathe motherfucker
breathe

let go

rain fall
breeze blow

sleep when it gets to hard
and get back up and try again

how do you have free time
how do you have free energy

how are you supposed to hang out with your friends
when their schedules are just as bad as your own

how do you relax
when your brain just won't slow the fuck down

how do you relearn
something you thought you already knew

how do you stay sane
when you feel like everything around you
can only add up
to you becoming crazy