i wonder why the world dealt me that hand
and the one before it
that is tied to the one tonight
why did she say what she said before
and why when i talked to you about it
did you respond in that fashion
i guess
your fashion
as it were

and then you show up
and i bend
and melt
and flow
for you
and all the walls i attempt to build
come crashing down
as if just mere sticks
not adobe
or bricks
or even rebar and concrete

and my company
looks at me
almost with pitty
for the way i let you in
and the way you open the door for me

but i seem to say to myself
better to be
with and in some semblance of pain
than to be without

am i convincing myself
or others?

i still think i love you
or maybe its
i think i still love you
or even
i still love you
i think

i found a part of myself tonight
i dont know how to feel about it
besides kinda happy
i guess
its the bitchy part of me
that really either
takes time off
or is beyond subdued
so
it came out full force tonight
the sarcasm came skipping along too

it was
is
nice to know that its still there
it makes me feel more accomplished
that i am actually moving past it
and not that it just stopped existing


btw
dont write shit on walls like that
it makes me want to puke
joke or serious
i dont care

i might always be the other one