My mind says to drink
on a wednesday
my gut says not to
I go to the place where
it all is supposed to be
and find that I feel as though
I should not be there and might as well
leave
I take pictures of things I laugh at
knowing that they are not truely funny
I watch the alcoholism
I stare at one
ignore another
what does it accomplish

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My days are riddled with a battle withing
of god and satan fightin over me
for a while, it seemed I was doing well with god
but now, satan seems to be winning the past couple days
by saying such does it make it true?
by not capitilizing either of their names
what does that say?
I defile and degrade myself and soul
I make my insides bleed and god shed tears
is that what I want?
is that what Caleb wants?
Clark?
Burton?
Cale?
Aaron?
my family?
is that what I want?

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I pray for deliverance
I ask for guidance on this journey
give me the strenght to ignore
give me the strength to put it to rest
give me the strenght to resist thoughts
to close my mind to evil
let yourself be the protection for my mind
I have seen more than ever intednded by you
I am wiser than ever expected
I am better than ever expected
all because of you
thank you

AMEN.