i don't want to be in a one night stand with you
or even just a bender
i want to be with you forever

just give me a chance
not only you
but the universe
grant me the one thing i have circled for years

i am sick of the self preservation
wishing i was through with all of the things i do
in the end
to myself

i have said
that it is better to stand nearby you
than be apart from you
even when i have to watch things that hurt me
but i think the time has come
that maybe
standing so near
is causing me pain
in and of itself

on some level many of the things i have said in the past were true
and one stands to this day
still
maybe it isn't right

but maybe you don't deserve me
i may not always believe
those that compliment me
but i am not hideous
i am worthy of time and energy
give me a chance
pick me up off the floor where you seem to discard me
we get closer
and it hurts more
because i gain more knowledge and access
to the things you hid from me
for whatever reason

i love you
i have for the better part of a decade
when will this endgame begin
or end