dip all of me in rubbing alcohol
clean me and let me dry
when i am no longer damp
allow me to fly free
stretch my wings and soar


oh to fly
and not to worry
how close you are to the sun
for fear your wings
will melt

"Icarus was not an achiever..."

I am

I will be

nothing for granted

everything for learning

help me off the ground

and i will cut the sky

with my silverly form

i am a bit vain

i should look better

but in the meantime

i know i miss him

i am disguested with what he was wearing
because what he is wearing who he believes himself to be
and i know it not to be true

i am saddened by my appearance and deportment
feeling second rate and left behind and unattractive
i think about you and know nothing but assume everything

leave social situations early
supress comments for fear of a scene
thats me

i beg that i be removed

eva cassidy calm my soul
depressed repressed and opressed
i feel all of these things
when i do wrong
i pay for it
and i know it

i miss being naive sometimes

here's me being a little boy.

it does bother me.

here's me being a big boy.

i lied about it not bothering me and I am sorry.

i wonder how long it will take for me to tell him...

if you feel that you are in love with someone
and you dont love yourself

you are wrong

a person should be alone
until they can function on their own
and after that point
they are allowed to date

no one is alone.

nothing a person does is ever alone

Samuel Barber is a genius. His ballads are beyond all beauty.

I miss Ted, Elyse and Melissa already.

Andy Lamp IS my best friend.

I wish I could write like Pablo Neruda.

I suprised someone tonight.

Singers sometimes vocally masturbate, but it is still pretty sometimes.

you feel far away

and you are

and i am sad

about what?

probably that

ugh.

thank god for fall break

i miss him

i want to kick my boss

i need to practice everything more

i finally feel frustruated with Hannon

i'll wait to celebrate another year

some things have fallen into place

the rest of my life needs to do the same.

if it's not him. i don't want it.

staying true. doesn't mean i have to stay blue.

kill me. with prayers. kindness. life so beautiful.

everything was confusing before

my stomach dropped out

i drove to ames

i got eyed by someone so much

that i might as well have been having sex with them

everything is more confusing now.

i am loved. and i believe it.

first off
yes i was devastated
that lasted a short moment
i freaked and slightly hyperventilated
thats fine
it was needed
but now
i look at it as
if it happened, it was meant to
i have no control
i can not even be mad at anyone
cause wether or not i deserve it in my own eyes
it would have happened
so here is to a rededication
to kicking my own ass
spiritually
mentally
academically
vocally
here is to a new me
that in the end
is better
for all of it

i may like a boy
which may not be the best

but i cut my hair
and prayed to God
that my life would start over
and thus far
it is new
and amazing
and about the boy
he will lead me to my answer
and through my actions
to where i can be happy

tonight i was at a gathering of persons. i was one of two persons who describe themselves as homosexual. a girl was speaking to the other person who drescribes themself as homosexual and said, "there are no other gays here."

i rejoiced

and

i cried.

to the struggle

no not a toast

but a prayer.

i feel like i have more reason
to feel more in every direction
you took a single risk that i saw
and then took another
now i found another risk
and someone who is just as into you
as i am
the jealousy did spike
but was overshadowed by the fact of this risk
two times now i have seen you over a wire
synthetic site with real information
i wish you would just out with it
but you are gone too soon
people will react yes
some well some not
but in the end the ones who stay with you
are the ones who truely matter
and i am not going anywhere
like it or not

what is this feeling?
so sudden returning to me?
the feeling wanting me to return
to where i grew up
driving a hole
into the pit of my stomach
i for some time
had been fighting a feeling
of attraction to the gendered
and thought i had made serious progress
but when i heard about you
it took me back to where i was before
not destroying past work
but a path back
so here i stand
at a fork in the road
one leading forward
one leading backward
but the backward path
guarentees nothing
who says if i turn
that the world will fall
in place as i have in my head
who says he will turn to me
and the distance would hurt
i do remember the past
i know right from wrong
but the feeling
pulls me apart
to choose
is a battle
neverending