i cant be happy
apparently
not with just one thing
but all
apparently
i dont want what i have
i want what i cant have
why should i want at all
why should i dream at all
why should i hope
why should i care
why should i try

cause god does
hard to hear
not much comfort but one day it will be

i keep falling
the music to my ears
is not something that is pleasing
i fall
and i feel nothing
more than anything
i feel so strapped
with negative thoughts
this is not a quick change
it is a slow change
i must persevere
i must keep going
and not the the scars of falling
keep me from anything

tonight i thought that maybe people run from me in part because i challenge so many people so much

i think i can never say i love you enough and to me thats a great problem to have

i fear the end of this academic year, wow havent felt this in a while

i have these negative thoughts across the spectrum and i dont know what to do

why is christian music so true

why did i get chills when i listened to Promise

show choir gives me focus that means that its a good thing right?

i dont like falling beind
i dont like failing
i dont like waiting for word
i am impatient
i dislike a lot
too much

i like being impatient
i like being on track
i like passing hey, evening getting a's
i like knowing

elation

oh to be over him. he still was a part of my life that was needed to see the things i saw, and learn the things i learned. but now i see what he says and laugh. i hear the things and they sound crazy. i see what i never saw in him. thank the lord. i am my own. not his. he is part of me.